


The Tempest in My Mind

by Morbane



Category: Chess - Rice/Ulvaeus/Andersson, The Tempest - Shakespeare
Genre: Bad Art, Deliberate Badfic, Earworm, F/M, Unwanted Crossover, deliberately bad art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:36:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morbane/pseuds/Morbane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Tempest, backwards, with sweet music.</p><p>It's canon, yo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evelyn_b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelyn_b/gifts).



CHORUS: Two households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Milano, where we lay our scene  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny...

RIVAL CHORUS: Oh I get high when I saunter by the mountains of Milano  
Rosy cheeked Milano, flourishing to a fault  
The sparkling streams, the bracing air...

"Shut up," said Prospero.

Prospero used HIS OWN [CHARMS](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cher/theshoopshoopsongitsinhiskiss.html)! It was super effective against his [evil](http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/darcy_clay/jesus_i_was_evil-lyrics-532793.html) rivals, who once stole a [throne](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/leonardcohen/hallelujah.html) from him and are plotting to steal more thrones. 

That's sort of a metaphor, because the present harmonious meeting of [tears](http://www.metrolyrics.com/its-a-small-world-lyrics-disney.html) and laughter occurs over an international chess game. Ferdinand, the Heir of [Napoleon](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/anidifranco/napoleon.html), challenges the incumbent Miranda. All tensions are channelled into the match, but the competitors themselves are strangely [happy together](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/turtles/sohappytogether.html)...

Ferdy: Although I have been playing chess since an early age and have studied the playing style of all the chess [champions](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queen/wearethechampions.html) in the world, I have no idea who you are! I am also deeply attracted to you.

Miranda: Although my father has trained me all my life for this fateful day, I have no idea who you are and am [falling in love with you](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/elvispresley/canthelpfallinginlove.html).

Freddie: [We know the game and we're gonna play it](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rick+astley/never+gonna+give+you+up_20116173.html).

On the [surface](http://www.lyrics007.com/Linkin%20Park%20Lyrics/Crawling%20Lyrics.html), this was true. A mysteriously affable Prospero appeared that night to Ferdinand and gave his blessing for the two to wed.

Wedding bells! A ROGUE [HYMEN](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/nirvana/heart+shaped+box_20101064.html) appeared! There was nearly a Greek/Roman Mythology crossover, but events elsewhere demanded Prospero's attention.

As well as a DEPOSED [KING](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ofmonstersandmen/kingandlionheart.html) and a CHESS MASTER, Prospero is the CEO of a fashion house! 

Loveable rogues Stephano and Trinculo had broken into his offices in order to steal the [patterns](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simongarfunkel/patterns.html) of his spring line.

"Kill them, Caliban," commanded Prospero.

Secure in the knowledge that the villains had been killed offscreen, Prospero invited his enemies to a feast.

Prospero: [I](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaaguilera/ladymarmalade.html) hate you!  
Prospero: [I](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mychemicalromance/imnotokayipromise.html) love you!  
Prospero: I'm going to feed you your children in a pie!  
Antonio: Do you feel like we're getting mixed messages?

As with all offscreen deaths, Trinculo and Stephano are totally fine. In fact, Caliban, whose love for Miranda had been thwarted because Prospero wanted her to grow up to beat Ferdinand at chess, approached them with a [business](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/btobachmanturneroverdrive/takincareofbusiness.html) proposition.

Caliban: Why don't you kill Prospero and take over his empire?  
Stephano: Sounds good to [me](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/deathcabforcutie/iwillfollowyouintothedark.html).  
_Ariel, like a mermaid_ : Don't do it!  
Caliban: I can't [hear you](http://www.metrolyrics.com/everybody-backstreets-back-lyrics-backstreet-boys.html)…  
Stephano and Trinculo: LET'S DO IT!

It's also time for confessions of true love!

Ferdinand: The moon shines bright.-- On such a night, the Four Seasons sang "Oh, What a Night."  
Miranda: On such a night, the Doors sang "Light My Fire."  
Ferdinand: On such a night, the Drifters sang "Saturday Night at the Movies."  
Miranda: On such a night to shut me out! Pour on, I will endure.  
Ferdinand: What?  
Miranda: Never mind.

Trinculo, Stephano, and Caliban's plan comes to nothing, because they [got high](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/afroman/becauseigothigh.html).

Meanwhile, Antonio, Alonso, Sebastian and those other guys walk on the shores of Milano and talk about kings. Also cabbages. There was nearly a [Walrus](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beatles/iamthewalrus.html) and the [Carpenter](http://www.contemplator.com/child/carpentereng.html) crossover, but plot called.

While Prospero's rivals were thus lulled, he put his [daughter](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/arcadefire/abrahamsdaughter.html) to the [ultimate](http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-ultimate-showdown-of-ultimate-destiny-lyrics-lemon-demon.html) [test](http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pokemon-lyrics/pokemon-theme-lyrics.html) of filial fealty: exposition.

Prospero: Ferdinand's father is actually the worst. Will you choose him... or me?

[HEARTBREAK](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/e/elvis+presley/heartbreak+hotel_20048333.html)!

DRAMA! 

[TRAGEDY](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/steps/tragedy.html)!

Miranda: You, of course. You held my [hand for all of these years](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/evanescence/myimmortal.html)! You raised me in your twisted image and taught me chess!

Ferdinand: [I will go down with this ship!](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dido/whiteflag.html)

Miranda: Of course [you](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rick+astley/never+gonna+give+you+up_20116173.html) will, darling.

Then Miranda helped Prospero sabotage the ship that Ferdinand, Antonio, Alonso, and the rest of them are travelling on for plot-important reasons, and went on to inherit Prospero's fashion empire.

Later, she had an assistant called Andy, but that's another story, to be told another time.


	2. Chapter 2

[](http://imgur.com/VKwMd9N)

In case you would also like notes on my art, I shall inform you that this is MYCROFT, as requested, holding a TEA CUP in which there is a TEMPEST and also EARL GREY. The spirit ARIEL is sitting on the edge of the tea cup. I thought it made more sense to interpret 'spirit' as a GHOST rather than an ALCOHOLIC FLUID, although there is a time and place for such to be added to tea, and in fact, such would be an appropriate accompaniment to THIS GIFT.


End file.
